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Royal Pardon!…… March 7, 2006

Posted by bunryu in Royal Decrees.

HRH King Orient III, in his graciousness has pardoned Sir Corpulentaladdie Kilnery for his failure in unraveling the secret identity of the mysterious Sultana Prunella Aisiyorpoin. Although Sir Corpulentaladdie Kilnery may escape the call of the guillotine but he shall be assigned to serve faithfully in the task that HRH has handpicked for him and therefore honoured with the new title…………… “Sir Odour Judge”.

Job Spec : Odour tests are conducted daily on Axillae (better known as armpits), breath and feet of all in the royal household, including visiting dukes, duchess, principessas, contessas and sorreans (this list is not exhaustive and may be further expanded according to the “odour meter” of the kingdom). Tests on above subjects are to be conducted in strict compliance with the deodorant efficacy study.






1. Page Boy Rigor Mortis - March 7, 2006

[bowing till nose touches the ground, waving right arm in roundabout fashion]….Your majesty’s grace is indeed beyond all measure. Before I proceed, may I implore your highness to draw upon the old proverbial wisdom and kill not the messenger. Alas, I have received word from His Lordship, via that detestable means of communication known as short messaging service, that His Lordship has no intention of sniffing around the nether regions of any duke, duchess, gentry, royalty, nobility, or the rabble. His precise words in his short messaging service is:

“My noble konk shall ne’er stoop so low, and His Majesty’s decree is akin to me cutting off the nose to spite the face. Never since the days of Cyrano De Bergerac, and Pinocchio, has a proboscis been subject to such humiliation. I shall remain thus indisposed, until His Majesty sees fit to renegotiate the terms of my return. The only odors this schnozzola shall inhale are either the fair perfumes of the Sultana Prunella, or the culinary wafts of Lady Culinaria Guacamolia. Until such time, may the Roaches of Rajasthan infest His Majesty’s Axillae”.

Again, I humbly reiterate, kill not the messenger. Humbly yours.

2. Sir C. Kilnery - March 8, 2006

Zis message ees just to let your majesties and all who are concerned know zat ayam safe. No need to vorry.

3. Ayamasausagedog - March 8, 2006

Voof voof voof.

4. Page Boy Rigor Mortis - March 8, 2006

ma’sya allah ya rabbi!!! This is an impostor, I am sure. Sir C Kilnery never speaks in this lispy way, where his THs are Z’s!!!! I suspect his lordship has been kidnapped by the evil Kount. Sacre bleu, what a scandal has come upon this once serene kingdom.

5. Sultana Prunella Aisiyorpoin - March 8, 2006

I, the one they label “elusive” is making an appearance again. I have been occupied with tasting different dhall curries made by culinary experts all over Rajasthan. KO3 has indeed pierced my heart with distressing statements of not recalling me in his mind’s eyes.We have a few times brushed shoulders when my husband, Sultan A’imnotshorif Aisiyorpoin indulged in a few games of crocquet with KO3 in his youth. KO3 is not to be blamed, for I preserve my beauty behind the veil.

Oh, what has become of Sir CK?

6. Harry See - March 8, 2006

lu ho bo!!! han chor, sultana!!! finally you appear hah. we beginning to think your prunella give your die rear leh. you eat the dall kurry ah, very good for health and digestion you know or not. very good for the heart, no need to pierce pierce one. your husband sultan aimnotshort or whatever, is he still alive one? beautiful woman such as yourself musnt go to bed alone leh. sum more that woman who POSES as mrs harry see, she must be found out and punished. she no mrs harry see, she is harry tik.

7. Duke Onesto - March 9, 2006

My dear fair Sultana, after that cowardly Sir Kilnery forsook his royal task and more recently spurned the kindness of HRH’s pardon, the task of unraveling the mystery of your highness’ identity has now fallen upon me. For two days now, I have been trekking the plains of Rajasthan on elephant, seeking the truth. Along the journey, I have sampled delectable nuggets of paneer, freshly baked roti and the most mouth-watering curries. This expedition may prove more satisfactory than I thought ……

8. Page Boy Rigor Mortis - March 9, 2006

In defence of my lordship, he did traipse over hill and vale, and researched every parchment and scroll in the kingdom’s archives, to try to get a clue as to the identity of this elusive woman. it was in fear of his life, or so we thought, that he disappeared, but now, it appears he might not even have disappeared on his own accord. Could there perchance be a nefarious plot at hand???

9. Principessa Oliva - March 9, 2006

Our peaceful kingdom is in danger of the proliferation of serfdom if all is not righted! Intrigue multiplies by the day, but so must courage if Virtue is to defeat Malevolence.

Grace be upon the Duke as he makes inroads on the plains of the Subcontinent. I beseech Your Excellency to indulge thy oliphant, for it is thy ship of the desert that is Rajasthan. Ivory poachers abound in those lands. Might HRH KO3 despatch a reconnaisance squad to ensure the safe return of his peoples? The enemy may yet lay another ambush!

Page Boy, thy loyalty to thy absent avoirdupois master is commendable. Should he too return safely I shall take it upon myself to recommend thee a promotion to Squire.

As for the Sultana – perchance we both had the privilege of receiving tutelage at the House of Wenn D?

10. Principessa Oliva - March 9, 2006

I must clarify my words, I bear no grudge against the corpulent, the rotund and the pudgy.

11. Duke Onesto - March 9, 2006

Alas, even with every grain of sand inspected …. nothing pointed to the identity nor whereabouts of our fair Sultana. I must now admit defeat and agree with our portly knight on the impossibility of this task. Not to mention that my bottom is now raw from the 3-day ride on the blasted pachyderm. An owl has been despatched to HRH King O III, conveying this message (on the Sultana of course, not my bottom!). I will take respite this evening in the neighbouring kingdom of Punjab, to where I have been kindly invited. And not by elephant, mind you, for a palanquin has been sent for ….

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